25 Mar Healing For Your Soul
A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of watching Oprah, something I rarely do. But you see this day I couldn’t miss it, the legendary Diana Ross was a guest. I sat in awe admiring how poised and timeless she was. I vaguely remember the question however the response was full of power and resilience. “I never let myself get lost completely in another person.” And when I think about the Diana I grew to know and love from just a little girl, she was that same person on the big screen. Yes, she battled demons and society to some extent, but the leading man loved and fought for her.
Over the past few weeks there seems to be an overwhelming consensus/feeling from my sister friends both married and single that they’ve lost their identity in their relationship. I could relate to the married folk. Immediately the flashback of the scene in Coming to America played in my head; the one with Vanessa Bell Calloway bidding to be Princess. Prince Akeem asks, “What kind of food do you like?” she responded, “Whatever food you like.” In this brief exchange she never revealed who she was. It was evident that her world would revolve around him. Yes, I have to admit, been there, done that. At one point in my life I was just a shell- void of soul and identity, unsure of how I ended up in such a desolate place but I did. As wives, I think because there is an overwhelming notion to be a “good” wife, mother, friend, etc. that it becomes easy to create situations in which the woman shoulder’s most of the responsibility with little reciprocation. After a while, the woman nurtures to the point that she becomes depleted and then unhappiness and self doubt begins to settle in eventually turning into resentment.
But what I am having even more difficulty wrapping my mind around is the single woman who has not fully self identified yet has lost the little bit of self she knows in another. Women continue to relegate themselves to being a side piece or that emergency piece of ass for the sake of having association. I’m reminded of the failure to thrive diagnosis in small children, the critical period of development in which the absence of touch, sound, and care arrest the physical growth and emotional development of the child. Is it possible for this same phenomenon to occur as girls transition to womanhood? I have seen women’s spirits elevated in the company of men who give regular attention in and out of the bedroom, yet when the man is gone the walls come tumbling down, they become emotional, unhappy, and isolated- no identity. On the outside looking in, we/I can lend support or suggest what should be done, but the true answers begin with you. Dig deep my sister because what he’s digging for is priceless. You’ve got to know that!